Tag Archives: pattismith

Live together

This is my first free day and I’ve been writing for two hours. Some log-in problem wiped out my writing. I start from scratch, again and again. I type in words and I wipe out emotions. What I have written matters only to me, it’s not that important that it’s all gone, because it’s all in my head anyway. The head play tricks and emotions are all tricks of the head. In my family we are used to talk about death, my parents are no drama queens and they deal stoically with it all. I have seen my dad crying for a death once, it was not about his dad. After his dad had died, he was sitting in the kitchen alone, drinking tea, waiting for us to come back, so he could tell the news. As he told me, I shouted he should have phoned me instead and ran upstairs. I’m too emotional, he couldn’t be like this, for his job needed him strong. When my mom’s dad died I was living in Rome. I booked a flight and left without saying anything to my flatmates. If anybody will die or be sick in my life, be sure you won’t get this information from me. I am not able to talk about it. Asking me how things go then, it’s silly, I will tell you it’s all fine also if it’s not. Or I will not answer, as I usually do. If things go wrong, do not ask, I hate it. People love to talk about their problems, I do it as well, I tell about my everyday life problems, I tell you about my hair, about whatever bullshit, but I can’t go deep into details, I am just done like this. Like my mom and dad. They don’t talk. They barely talk to us about it, but they do things. If there’s a lesson and they have given to us children, it’s about life and humanity, and most of the people don’t get it. Wherever I turn people are greedy and selfish. As I went home for holidays, I noticed things. My dad would wake early and go to his mother-in-law to help with breakfast, since she cannot do it by herself. After that he would go have a coffee with his own mother. After that he would say goodbye to all troubles and work on the countryside. My mom visits her mother every day. They have never complained about the responsabilities they have with their parents. Not even once! If I look at other old people’s children, they are mostly not there. Too boring, too heavy. As my mom drove as much as she could to help her aunt who was dying by cancer, the aunt, incredibly attached to her properties, asked once to my mom: “why are you doing this?”. My mom said because once she had done it for her as a child (in fact she wasn’t that kind of aunt, but it was nice to say). After those few words, my aunt told my mom’s brother “beware of your sister! She will steal your house”. When my greataunt died, with no children, my mom was the only serene one, who had helped as much as she could. Three different wills came out soon after the death, furniture, half a house, and jewels were mostly to be acquired. Everybody was pissed because she has been evil in her will. Only if you’re truly pure in your behaviour, you won’t feel betrayed. My mom’s mom lives in this old people house. I and my siblings went there everyday and I never met any other grandchild, I must say not even a son or a daughter. At one point we would know many of them, we would kneel and kiss one, shake hands with another, talk with another, talk nuts with many of them. This lovely woman sitting with my grandmother at the dining table is still completely capable with her mind, but not with her body. Once I cut her food and thought what a miserable daughter she had, enjoying her mom’s house, but never paying a visit. These are people and this is life. I noticed my siblings’ attitude and manners and even if nobody ever thought us anything, we have learnt a lesson. The greatest lesson I must say, since it won’t be properties smoothing our pain when we’ll be in need.

ALIVE:ness

During the last three nights I’ve been waking up constantly. I’m slowly getting sick, or maybe not, I can’t get it. As I lay down to sleep I breath badly and my throat gets extremely dry, that’s why I wake up, a bit to drink, a bit to breathe. I’m not an early bird, I hate to leave my bed,  I’m not the type who will get a nap or lay down to relax during the day. I won’t stop until it’s time to go to bed again. I’m not an early bird, but in these days I’ve preferred to wake up early, instead of laying down feeling like shit. Everytime I’ve been waking up, I could still feel bits of uncosy dreams. Every time, inbetween dream- and real world there was music in my head: I tell you what, I tell you who. Last Saturday I went to see Mad Kate and The Tide at Supamolly. Since then I’ve been listening to their album “ALIVE:ness” dozens of times. I’ve been barely listening to anything else. I’m purely loving it. It’s interesting how everybody will find  in what he listens to what he likes and he needs and he’s longing for.

In the first track “golden voice”  it could be Patti Smith singing it, at least the first part. If I would know Patti I’d ask her to tell me fairy tales until I’d fall asleep. I wouldn’t fall asleep. I never fall asleep. It’s a trick I always use when I sleep with somebody, but I am never relaxed. People have told me tales to sleep. Made-up ones, a Persian one once, Grimms’ ones but I’m like kids, as soon as the tale is over I open my eyes wide open and ask “once more?”.

I attach a link because you guys have to listen to this album: https://madkatethetide.bandcamp.com/

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While writing “bodies of flesh, bodies of knowledge” is running and he could be Jeff Buckley playing that arpeggio. It doesn’t have to be anybody, I know, I am sorry, I hate it when people do that with my music, but after all we’re constantly listening to somebody else’s music.

I really liked it all, the electro/rock/new wave/whatever…  it just sounds great. I’m checking out the other albums now. Plus I will need a copy of the poster, Mapplethorpe would love it.

Watch me now!

Saturday morning, I slept long. I had a proper shower, the one during which you can get a hair mask. I haven’t shaved in a week. A few things create little trouble to me. I need a way more free time to accomplish whatever my desires are. I haven’t eaten too much shit, and I haven’t drunk much. I’ve started German classes two weeks ago, it’s not going too bad, I do even dream phrases in german now. The real trouble is that I’m having no free time. I have sheets of notes, I wanna do so many things and it all brings to freedom. Working is necessary to live, but working is to die, then I’m trying to create a way to enjoy working, which implies to change job as well. Rather, to create my own.

I’m a huge Patti Smith fan. This is a manifesto from 1974.

Sixteen and time to pay off
I get this job in a piss factory inspecting pipe
Forty hours, thirty-six dollars a week
But it’s a paycheck, Jack

So hot in here, hot like Sahara
You could faint from the heat
But these bitches are just too lame to understand
Too goddamned grateful to get this job

To know they’re getting screwed up the ass
All these women, they got no teeth or gum or cranium
And the way they suck hot sausage
But me, well, I wasn’t sayin’ too much neither

I was moral school girl, hard-working asshole
I figured I was speedo motorcycle
I had to earn my dough, had to earn my dough

But no, you gotta, you gotta relate, babe
You gotta find the rhythm within
Floor boss slides up to me and he says
“Hey sister, you’re just movin’ too fast
You’re screwin’ up the quota
You’re doin’ your piece work too fast”

“Now you get off your mustang, Sally
You ain’t goin’ nowhere, you ain’t goin’ nowhere”
I layed back, I get my nerve up, I take a swig of Romilar
And walk up to hot shit Dot Hook and I say

“Hey, hey sister, it don’t matter whether I do labor fast or slow
There’s always more labor after
She’s real Catholic, see, she fingers her cross and she says
There is one reason, there is one reason”

“You do it my way or I push your face in
We knee you in the John
If you don’t get off your get off your mustang, Sally
If you don’t shake it up, baby, shake it up, baby”

Twist and shout, oh what I could will a radio here
James Brown singing ‘I Lost Someone’
Or the Jesters and the Paragons and Georgie Woods
The guy with the goods and Guided Missiles

But no, I got nothin’, no diversion, no window
Nothing here but a porthole in the plaster, in the plaster
Where I look down, look at Sweet Theresa’s convent
All those nurses, all those nuns scattin’ ’round
With their bloom hoods like cats in mourning

Oh to me, they, you know
To me they look pretty damn free down there
Down there, not having to press those smooth
Not having to smooth those hands against hot steel

Not having to worry about the in-speed
The dogma of in-speed of labor
Oh then they put damn free down there
The way they smell, the way they smell
And here I gotta be up here smellin’ Dot Hook’s midwife sweat
I would rather smell the way boys smell

Oh, those schoolboys, way their legs flap
Under the desk in the study hall
That odor rising roses and ammonia
And way their dicks droop like lilacs

Or the way they smell that forbidden acrid smell
But no, I gotta, I gotta put clammy lady in my nostril
Her against the wheel, me against the wheel
Oh, the in-speed-o, slow motion inspection is drivin’ me insane

In steel next to Dot Hook, oh, we may look the same
Shoulder to shoulder sweatin’ 110 degrees
But I will never faint, I will never faint
They laugh and they expect me to faint but I will never faint

I refuse to lose, I refuse to fall down
Because you see it’s the monotony that’s got to me
Every afternoon like the last one
Every afternoon like a rerun next to Dot Hook

And yeah, we look the same
Both pumpin’ steel, both sweatin’
But you know she got nothin’ to hide
And I got something to hide here called desire

I got something to hide here called desire
And I will get out of here
You know the fiery potion is just about to come
In my nose is the taste of sugar

And I got nothin’ to hide here, save desire
And I’m gonna go, I’m gonna get out of here
I’m gonna get out of here, I’m gonna get on that train
And I’m gonna go on that train and go to New York City

I’m gonna be somebody
I’m getting, gonna get on that train
Go to New York City

I’m gonna be so big, I’m gonna be a big star and I will never return
Never return, no, never return, to burn at this piss factory
And I will travel light, oh, watch me now

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6aUbrZYjYE&w=420&h=315]