Tag Archives: Kreuzberg

There’s something you can’t buy: proud.
I got all the best and I got all the worst from my parents’ families. I am the worm and I am the king. Who’s the worm and who’s the king? I am. Kneel and be sorry! “The dominion is ours!”. The third ring on my fingers will turn me into an untouchable man, a loser among losers, I’m longing for that, all happens in order to end.
Last night  I was a new character, I was Alëša from The Brothers Karamazov. I dreamed I was a young monk, my grandfather died and I had to carry the coffin. It was cruel and my stomach burned. I woke up feeling so bad, I thought “somebody must have died last night, try to be cool, it just happens”, and I was crying before checking my mobile.

All day I’ve been daydreaming. Imagination is the strongest power I’ve got. People look at me terrified, because I am terrified. People smile at me, because I am smiling. When I went home tonight I felt like I haven’t been here for weeks. I looked at the streets, the tram rails and it all seemed new. Where have I been?
Somebody who feels too much, feels nothing at all.

Tonight I was at a friend’s and Winson was on the radio, Flux Fm. When I was on the terrace, there in the studio with my singer and he took a picture of us, I told him “God! So you’re not just a voice on the radio!”.  Einstürzende Neubauten, “Stella Maris”.

One more ring.

I had one hour free today. I was in Kreuzberg and I had a beer in this courtyard, no green, only women covering their heads and bodies. It was warm. One woman came from a shop near-by. She sat. Looked around herself stealthy. Fast she took a little bottle of Pfeffi from her back pocket, she drank it all, threw the bottle away and went back to job (I assume, considering the clothing).
It started raining a bit so I went somewhere  else for another beer. It was a gay bar in the Kotti area and it must have been a lesbian night. Four old gay people, two men and two women, they must have been in their eighties, were discussing about german grammar and Thomas Mann, while drinking beer and sending kisses to one another. Around eight in the evening, when I left, one of the men left as well: “ich muss nach Hause”.

I have ideas and I take notes.
I lose my notes and I forget my ideas.

The sweetest thing that have happened to me in the last few days was cuddling with some stranger in bed, all the rest was boredom.

This is the text I’ve sent to a dear friend before  two gentlemen had stolen my mobile:  “Am I a simple man? Maybe I am”.  Twenty minutes later the phone was gone, I was following the thiefs into Kreuzberg’s dark and empty streets. As a man with a blinking light was walking in the middle of street straight towards me, giving this kind of signals, I gave up and went back. The area was clearly “protected” and I alone could not possibly do anything useful, not even trying to buy back my phone, which was my intention.  To that followed a couple of phone calls to my own phone, then a couple of phone calls to the police, then a short chat with two policemen. I was sent home “to get some sleep and have a good Sunday”.
The day after I could geolocalize it, I phoned the police again but the only help I could get was “go there yourself”. I understand it, I could have phoned the police again IF I would have had those guys with the phone straight in front of me, but by the time I reached the area my phone was gone.

In the last month I’ve been sick three times. I’ve had like a never ending cold and three times light fever.  As I blow my nose, I get blood on the tissue. I usually react my fathers way,  I try to care a bit with beverages and stuff and I keep doing my regular life, I’ll be gone soon.  Paracetamol for dinner and for breakfast and I beat it. On Monday I had to stay home, my back was hurting like hell. It’s still not doing great and during the night I wake up sometimes, oh well.  I was a strong man, something changed. As a result of it all, I lost weight.

I’m a compulsive busy bee. I can’t get things done and I’m already getting new things to work at. I can’t really control it. While I’m writing I know I have a few important e-mails to write, a flight to book, I have to tidy up this shitty room because on Saturday we’re having a viewing of the apartment, since we leave (adieu Charlottenburg, I NEVER liked you), and there’s stuff piled everywhere, I’ve got to work it out.  And even if I realize this is priority now, to do even before  my German homework (yo), I’m looking at these two sweet guys I took somewhere. Probably they were tea holders. I’ll transform them into candle holders. I can create a base with balsa, I have the equipment (I did scale models at university). I just don’t understand what material is that, it’s too dirty, may be copper. I have other copper boxes I brought from home (they are super clean and shiny), I’ll buy some copper product and try to clean them that way. The German word of the day is KUPFER.

kids

While writing this I’m trying to reach this other guy to take some dishes for the new flat. You see? I DO NOT HAVE THE TIME, but I’m trying to make myself more and more busy.

I’m sick.